Jokes can be noble. Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter & tears are both responses to frustration & exhaustion, to the futility of thinking & striving anymore. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning to do afterward - & since I can start thinking & striving again that much sooner.

- Quoted from Palm Sunday by Kurt Vonnegut

As AnyOne who visits this forum will understand - I need some Laughter. I am both frustrated & exhausted (in addition to being disgusted.) I'd like to start thinking & striving again.

Please help. (I really don't want to clean up all those tears.) Even a small giggle will count.

Thanks.
Respect.
Love.

JoAnn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smCIN8-vUpQ

KANYE WEST LYRICS

"Can't Tell Me Nothing"

I had a dream I can buy my way to heaven
When I awoke, I spent that on a necklace.
I told God I'd be back in a second,
Man It's so hard not to act reckless.
To whom much is given much is tested.
Get arrested, guess until, they get the message.
I feel the pressure, under more scrutiny,
and what I do? act more stupidly.
bought more jewelry, more louis v, my momma couldn't get through to me.
The drama, people suing me,
I'm on T.V. talking like it's just you and me.
I'm just saying how I feel man,
I ain't one of the Cosby’s I ain’t go to Hill man
I guess the money should've changed him,
I guess I should've forgot where I came From.

[Chorus:]
La, la, la, la wait till I get my money right
la, la, la, la then you cant tell me nothing right
Excuse Me, is you saying something?
Uh, uh, you can't tell me nothing
(Ha ha) you can't tell me nothing
Uh, uh, you can't tell me nothing

Let up the suicide doors.
This is my life homey, you decide yours.
I know Jesus died for us,
But I couldn't tell you who decide wars.
So I parallel double parked that mother** sideways
Old folks talking bout back in my day
But homey this is my day.
Class started 2 hours ago, oh am I late?
You know I already graduated
And you can live through anything if Magic made it.

They say I talk with so much emphasis,
OOOO they're so sensative.
Don't ever fix your lips like collagen
Say something were you gone end up apologising.
Let me know if it's a problem man,
Alright man, holla then.

[Chorus]

Let the champagne splash, let that man get cash,
Let that man get past.
You don't need a stop to get gas,
If he can move through the rumors, he can drive off the fumes cuzz
How he move in a room full of no's?
How he stay faithful in a room full of h**s?
Must be the pharaohs, he in tune with his soul,
So when he buried in a tomb full of gold.
Treasure. What's you pleasure?
Life is a, uh, depending how you dress her.
So if the devil wear Prada,
Adam Eve wear Nada,
I'm in between, but way more fresher.
With way less effort, 'cause when you try hard,
That's when you die hard.
Ya homies looking like "Why God?"
When they reminisce over you, my god.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY2Wv4zaGIU&feature=related

Hi JACQ,

I'm a blonde, so I think I can tell these jokes:

Two blondes were sitting on a bench.
One blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is further away, Florida or the Moon?"
The other replies, "Hellooooo?? Can you see Florida??"

A redhead walks into a doctor's surgery and complains of a terribly sore body that hurts all over. She shows the doctor,
poking her arm and screaming. Then she pokes her leg and screams. And the same with her stomach and her head when she touches them. Each time she screams louder in more pain.
The doctor says to the young woman, "You're not really a natural redhead, are you"
The young woman replies, "Actually, no. I'm a blonde."
The doctor replies, "I thought so, your finger's broken".

Peace and giggles be with ya, matey

-Egg

hey Captain Crunchy,

I'm Not exactly bowling over with laughter on the Kanye West lyrics but I do happen to like His work. I can really understand where He's coming from on many different levels.

Thanks for trying Bingo.

& Blondie?

Maybe . . . while we’re on the subject of bimbos – maybe You can clarify what the ?heck? is meant by the Rapture? Now that just might have me erupting into giggles! I had Never heard of this bizarre (& terrorist type sounding) concept before coming here & having it shoved down my throat (gag arrghhh! barf) I had heard Blondie sing about the Rapture back in the 80’s & Anita Baker too. Never heard the strange twist on that word tho until I came here. From what I understand it’s a fundamentalist terrorist Christian concept – therefore You must be pretty well-versed in defining this concept to a simple brunette like me?

& btw – You seem to be pretty good at twisting too? (The apple must Not have fallen far from the tree, I guess.)

Like these are Your Words from that other thread that I said I was done with?

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"

He said, "Nobody loves me."

I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"

He said, "A Christian."

I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"

He said, "Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."

I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."

I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."

I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

A psychology student rented out her spare room to a carpenter in
order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of
needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an ax leaving her
mentally retarded.



http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,23586480-2703,00.html

Irony, from the Greek åἴñùí (eiron), is a literary or rhetorical device, in which there is a gap or incongruity between what a speaker or a writer says, and what is generally understood (either at the time, or in the later context of history). ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony

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I don't much like the joke, toto, but I want that dog.

I admit that my first joke wasn't very noble, so I'll try again:

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake.

Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."


Better? No? Well, how about some puns:

What do you call a mushroom that runs into a bar and buys a round of drinks for everyone?
I guess that would be a Fun Guy.

A man goes to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a naked girl on his back. "So what on earth are you supposed to be?" the host asks. "I'm a snail," the man replies. "What a load of rubbish!" spits his host. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked girl on your back?" "That's not any naked girl, mate," the bloke replies. "That's Michelle."

Pat: Hey, Chris! How's that snazzy new fish you bought for your aquarium?
Chris: To tell you the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.
Pat: You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird? What a putz!
Chris: Well, he is a parrot fish.
Pat: I hate to tell you this, Chris. You might be able to teach a parrot bird to sing, but you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.
Chris: That's what you think! He sings night and day. The thing is, he keeps singing off-key. It's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?

I like your jokes Wog! Thanks! I feel better already!

Love!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Wow JACQ...

What was that for?

I thought I was trying to bring a smile to your face, and it gave me pleasure to give that happy task a go. And now I feel somewhat negatively toward you, and I don't like that. You have brought something from another thread into this one and beat me up about it. I have heard of the term 'rapture' but am not that familiar with it. All I know is that it's something of a concept out of Revelation.

If you wanted to address my post, I would have preferred you do it in the other thread for starters. And secondly, I am a little offended that I cop some harsh words (and un-provoked at that) from you when I was trying to make you smile in response to your thread. It seems that my posting jokes has spurred Wog to do the same and you seem to have enjoyed his input. Whether or not it did, I don't mind.. but that is what seemed to happen to me. So, I don't think I did you too bad a service by posting some innocent enough jokes on the thread, do you? Whether you got a laugh out of mine or not, it might have helped the direction of your thread (and indirectly given you a laugh). I haven't said anything to you other than tell these two jokes in months. I haven't even been on the forum in months. I would appreciate you keeping your beef with my Dad separate from your interactions with myself in future (as I have with you). I would also appreciate an apology, as I have not done anything that validates your negative personal attack on me above.

Regards,

-Egg

Hi ClonedEgg,

Oh - Where do I start?

ForGive me for thinking Your feeble attempt at poking "Fun" through jokes directed at Blondes was a little, well, what shall I say, unnecessary? I mean, here at this site, derogatory remarks aimed at women are just an everyday occurrence. You might as well have posted a thinly-disguised gay-bashing joke? It would have been equally as un-funny to me. "Innocent enough"? Sorry - I don't buy it.

& I'm Not gonna go back to that other thread, deal with it.

Oh & here is a revelation for You. Happy WTFU Day!

I'm sorry if You're a little girl & can't accept the words I'm sayin' here. I had to get used to that too here. (that's the "price" we have to pay, I guess, for the "priveledge" of playin' with the good ole boys on this site.)

Cheers and God bless,
JoAnn

Hi JACQ,

I forgive you for thinking what you think about my intentions. I'm sorry you found my blonde jokes offensive. Thank you for your reply.

I will not address you again. It is clear that my addressing you is unwelcomed.

-Egg

ooooooohhhhhh Brother! (& bother too)

You MsUnderstand me (& how unusual is that may I ask & just did?)

& Many Thanks & Much Respect for Your reply.

You may address me anyway You want to. You already have.

Love,
JoAnn

One Liners:

"No woman ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes" or "Never go around with another mans wife unless you can go a round
with her husband"

Some define how to deal with situations... "A closed mouth gathers no feet", "Better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of
your life"

Some are great advice... "Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions" or "There is nothing like horse riding to make a
person feel better off"

And some just tell it like it is "He may drink to forget but he never forgets to drink" and of course "All my life I've been doubtful now I'm not
so sure"

The trick to using them in conversation is to use them. Find a few that you like and throw them into the conversation when they fit. By
listening to what is being said you will soon develop a second sense and you will be surprised at how easily they slip off the tongue.

It's all about listening for the word. Someone may be talking about crime and you can drop in the line "Yeah, Crime doesn't pay but the hours
are optional" Fitness is a great subject and allows for so great lines to be dropped in "Yeah, I stay fit by wrestling with my conscience" and
"My wife stays fit by jumping… to conclusions"

_________________
Warm Regards,
David (esacnitsuj)
EULAGree With Security

DAVID!!
Man am I glad you posted. I was afraid that we were never going to hear from you again. You had us worried. JoAnn has been keeping a thread going for you. It's good to know your still around.

Give us the run down on how you are doing in one of the threads, OK?

ZZ

David?

I Love those Jokes! I am really LMAO!

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0!!!

Love,
JoAnn