Sorry JACQ,

BUT, the post I made about his passing was actually about my X-Lover, who is now my Gaurdian Angel

My cousin is still alive & doing OK. BTW. After 5 years of being in love & living together, we went to one of the very top lawyers in Toronto & had wills made up that if he passed, everything would go to me & vica versa. No contest, because Michael had a "Born Again Christian Sister" who prayed for us, but she always needed money. Mike took the phone from me & said I loaned you $2000.00 & you have not payed me back & it's been near a year!

She said she I gave to the church to get everyone to pray for your sinful relationship.

Michael was livid & hung up after calling her Hypocrite!

Around a few months after that they happened to sell the old homestead farm & each got $45,000.00.

Linda used to call me up when mike was a tad demented & ask me how much money he had left. Mike would immediately become lucid, grab the phone & said it's none of your F'in buissness, besides David doesn't even know, even though I did because I'd have to bank for him as we had a joint account because of his dementia. A little white lie.

She says Oh! Can you just lend me another $1000.00 & Mike told her to FO.

After Mike died I was left everything that we gathered together over the years & all the $$$. I had a nervous breakdown, took off to Montréal to calm myself a tad & did spend some of the money, but not all. I may be blonde, but not stupid.

He left me over $65,000.00 & that's what probably precipatated my breakdown. I went home to Toronto & what did I find?

Linda got the Landlord to let her in. She took the 28" Sony T.V. that "I" bought Michael as we had a pull out bed with a really comfortable matress I bought & sit & watch movies. She also took a $350.00 cordless phone, but never touched the things his mother gave him like the old telephone table, the Queen Ann chairs & table which I said they could have. Also there was a set of Hummels that were worth thousands from his Mom, Shwarofski Crystal antique sets that were worth thousands! Also, Mikes mother was a great potter making beatiful pottery & Linda didn't see the value in that.

I wanted his family to have it because it was from Mike's family, but just didn't realize how much some of that stuff was worth!

Thank goodness she didn't take my to DJ turntables & mixer, but there is a twist to this. I had a guy move in with me to help with the rent @ $1250.00/mo. & I really think HE took the TV & phone because I was gone for a tad over 3 weeks & made it back to pay the rent & he had left. He had left a note telling me that Linda had come up & took those two items.

I don't think so. Linda would never come see us! Chris, his brother told me I deserved everything after how good I took care of his brother & so did Susan, his other sister. They said they would not come up to contest the will because they know of Harvey Hamburg, one of the most high gay lawyers in TO.

Linda came up though & wanted to contest, but Harvey just said that she was going to pay a lot of money for a lawyer to contest & it wouldn't happen, but she did anyhow. Her lawyer lost & she had to pay him quite an amount, so Mike did get the money she "Born Again" payed back in a sense.

I even told her that she could have her mother & father's stuff, but she said NO, take it all. You led a sinful life & you both will pay in Hell & I'll be an angel in heaven looking down & laughing!

How twisted is that? So I got it all. Like I said, I didn't want it all & I don't even think she realized (Linda) how much some of that stuff was worth. Just look at the antique Queen Ann chairs & table! I gave that to his our best friend because he said if we left him anything he wanted the antique table & chairs! Walking into Roger's place was like walking into the past.

All antiquiteies from living room, dining room, bedroom, ect, except the stove/fridge/dishwasher & other appliances.

Oh well I know it's a long post, but I just had to rectify the mistake i made between Michael & my Cousin.

Take Good Care Goyl & Peace!

_________________
Warm Regards,
David (esacnitsuj)
EULAGree With Security

Guy goes into Confession. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned, etc." His last Confession was only a few days ago. So what has he done in the last few days that brings him today. Saying "the F word". Under what circumstances? His weekly golf foursome. And what are the particulars? He hit the longest ball of his life off the tee on the seventh hole. And that's when he said the F word? No, ball hit a rock and bounced and hit a post of the perimeter fence. And that's when he said the F word? No, ball flew up and hit a tree in the rough. And that's when he said the F word? No, the ball still had some momentum and it landed four feet from the cup. Priest looks at him wide-eyed and says: "Don't tell me that you missed the f**king putt!"

Hiya Big Felix,

GR8 jokes. I especially like the one about the state capitals! Also the othe had me ROFLMAO

Thanks for the laughs...Hey wasn't that a line from an old 50's movie?

Like it says in Readers Digest, Laughter IS the best medicine!

Remember what I said about releasing endorphines! Ya made my day!

Take Good Care & Peace!

_________________
Warm Regards,
David (esacnitsuj)
EULAGree With Security

I'm laughing & crying at the same Time! Whatta way to start my day! Thanks. Respect. With Love2.

me

Assistant Rabbi needs a raise. Has to think about marriage and he only has a small salary and a small room on the premises. Rabbi doesn't have the budget, the Board can't help. So the matter is brought to a meeting of the entire congregation. Murmur, talk, murmur, whisper. Finally, Abe stands up and says he'll pledge $20 a month. Idea catches on. Baker will give bread, baked goods, even a birthday cake. Butcher gives meat. Partners in a haberdashery business, socks, underwear, shirts, an occasional suit. On and on. Money, goods. Finally Sadie, President of the Sisterhood, stands up and says, "Every Monday and Thursday night I will have sex with the Assistant Rabbi!" Shock. Silence. When the Rabbi recovers his composure, he grabs the sides of the lectern and asks whatever brought her to such a suggestion. And she answers: "Well, while everybody else was pledging, I asked my husband what we could give. And he said, 'Oh, screw the Assistant Rabbi!'".

I seem to have made another duplicate post. I apologize. In this instance, you could say, "I've heard that one before". Apologies. But I discovered the problem. I take a post down for an edit, something happens, half-an-hour later I click on a tab, see the draft of a post, think I forgot to post it ... and the rest is history.

To make up:

Guy in a bar tells the bartender to save his place, he's off to Confession and is in bad need of Total Absolution. Off to Church, Does the Bless Me thing, Priest asks him what he did. Guy humbly says that he had sex out of marriage. Priest wants to know with whom. Guy squirms. Priest says, "Mary O'Brien?" Guy is uneasy. Priest again:"Gina LoMedico?" Guy explains that he would feel better if the girl herself would come into Confess. Priest sternly: "Alice Fahey?" Guy quietly says he can't give up her name; Priest tells him to come back when he is ready to tell. Back to bar. Sits and the bartender asks if he got the Total Absolution. Guy says, "No but I got three damn good leads!"

Posted this in a Politics thread, but it belongs here! Keep New Orleans in mind. Female comic on the Jay Leno show claims that she's screwed more Black men than FEMA.

Rollllling on the ...

oh David? Just wanted to let You know I'll be listening to Loc-ed After Dark on the way to work today

& if AnyOne sees PapaE, say h***oo to Him & tell Him I still like to read Where The Wild Things Arrre too!

aaahhhhsta la Vista bbbabbbies

bye!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    A mother goes into her son's room. "You've got to get up for school, Bernie!" Bernie pulls the blanket over his head. "I don't wanna go to school."
    "You have to go," says the mother. "I don't wanna go. The teachers don't like me, and all the kids hate me."
    The mother pulls the blanket down. "Bernie, you don't have any choice. You have to go to school." "Yeah," Bernie says. "Give me one good reason!"
    "You're fifty-two years old and you're the principle."

I like that one too! hey thanks.

Hi All

I'm doing well after my 2 & 1/2 month stint in the hospital where they though fer sure I was a gonner. Fooled them eh?

Anhow, I've got some more 1 liners that should give y'all a nice laugh. Laughter is sooooo healthy!

1) It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a Visa and it runs out fast!

2) Money isn't everything, but it ranks right up there with oxygen!

3) A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch!

4) You were born original. Don't die a copy!

5) Be yourself. No one can ever tell you you're doing it wrong!

6) Many people lose thier tempers merely from seeing you keep yours!

7) You know you've reached adulthood when 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work!

That's All Folks...Hope y'all like 'em?

Take Care All, Love & Peace!

_________________
Warm Regards,
David (esacnitsuj)
EULAGree With Security

THOUGHTS TO PONDER DURING A SLOW WEEK:
or Ponderisms for any random Tuesday:

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Hi JACQ

That's what you got me doing with yer last post!!!

ROFLMAO

JACQ-EEE-POOO (I Wuv U) Take Care now, ya hear?

Don't mind me, but I loved the "Beverly Hillbillys" I own box sets of DVDs of thier originals & Have thier movie where they're "Billionaires" & that guy & gal try to stop the wediing so they can get all the $$$. I just love Jethro in Drag He used to do drag in the old series too as his cousin "Jethrine"

There was a lot & still is much Drag Queens in the movies, prime time, etc. I like it. Like I said, I don't care if you're a Man/Woman, Gender Bender, Drag Queen, Sex Change, Y'da
JUST NOT A PEDOPHILE!!!

Take Good Care + Dahlin'...Mucho Peace!

_________________
Warm Regards,
David (esacnitsuj)
EULAGree With Security

Quote:

"A Weak Mind Can Be Easily Controlled!" "Ni Bastori Carborundum" ©1963 SQIV

HiYa CowBoy!

I guess I shoulda mentioned I don't know who wrote those "Ponderisms" - a Friend sent them to me at work. These are "Southern Thinking" ponderisms (don't know who wrote either) sent to me from a very good friend who pretty recently moved South:

Southern Thinking

Georgia:
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied,

'Everything but my earrings.'

***************************************************************
Alabama:

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

'Where's Henry?' the others asked.

'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replied.'

You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.

'A tough call,' nodded the hunter.

'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'
***************************************************************
Louisiana:

A senior at LSU was overheard saying , 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana.'

When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
**************************************************************
Mississippi:

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'

Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'

'The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got the license number.'
**************************************************************
Tennessee:

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.

The trooper asked, 'Got any ID?'

The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'
**************************************************************
Arkansas:

A man in Little Rock had a flat tire, pulled onto the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'

The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'

The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.'

**************************************************************
And my favorite:
You can say what you want about the South,
But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North...

I'm hopin' You like these ones too CowBoy David! & I'm gonna try to do some 'splaining on the Q thread 'bout the OxyMoronic Place iffen i can get my thoughts together enuff.

wuv,
jacqquieee

Oh JACQ-EEE-POO

Your jokes had me ROFLMAO

Did ya like the 1 liners? I got them from a local paper we get
each month about what's going on in my city, etc. Ads, etc,
but there's a section called "On the Lighter Side" which has a
few if not all GR8 1 liners. They also have Horoscope. I'm a
Libra with rising sign...Leo (The Lion) & they all seem pretty
good! If they say it's my "lucky day", I'll put up-to $5.00 [CDN]
in the machine & end up winning @ $100.00-$200.00 & pull it
out! Many keep playing & lose After a toonie or $5.00 one
wins up-to $100.00 or so, I cash out my ticket. They don't

One day I was watching a guy playing the machines & put mega
$$$ in. At least $200.00. As the machines auto open & close @
10AM & 10PM, I went back the very nexy day & put $2.00 in
"Red Hot 7s" & when U get that it gives you 5 free plays & say
you get 4 bells or 7's with another "Hot" 7 you don't get extra
freebies, but @ a single bet the bonus 7s give you double. A
single gives $100.00, which when I put my $2.00 in I got a line
of 7s @ the bottom wich gave me the Bonus round. I got 5 7s
again, which is $200.00 + 4 bells with "fire" 7 & got another $100.00.

Needless to say I was a tad over $400.00 for $2.00
I cashed out. But one time & one time only it was month end &
had no $$$, and the pool on "Swinging Bells" a 9 chance bonus
round & the more bells that come up, the more $$$. Ppl were
saying that the "Pool" doesn't ever go up-to $50.00 and some,
but it was over $100.00.

I put $5.00 in & immediately got "Swinging Bells" the 9 chance
bonus round. I got mega bells & if you get 4 corners of the
same fruit, bells, y'da, tou get more $$$. I got corner bells in
the bonus round & mega bells right up-to 9 bonus spins

After that I decided to put "Max Bet" which gives one 5 times da
$$$ I got all the fruit & won the over $100.00 "pool"

You have to get a table of fruit to win that, so needless to say,
it gave me mega $$$. Next spin I got "Swing Bells" (a bell on mid top, mid side, & mid bottom triggers the swining bells!

I got it again on a Max bet & got mega bells again! I walked out
with near $4000.00 with just the 5$ i put in. & my sign said my
lucky day!!! I was lucky because it was the ist & got that machine which also has the "Red Hot 7s" on it. The one where I
put a 2$ & won mega bucks, but ppl are stupid & keep playing &
end up losing it all so they put more 20's and/or 50's $ in & play & perhaps come out even or with @ $100.00, so they're behind
these ppl are ADDICTS to gambling. I'm not. I put up-to $10.00
in & if win Nada, then go Bye Bye! Most cannot do that. I have
GR8 self control

Anyhoo JACQ-EEE-POO (I Wuv U) I have severe insomnia & just
cannot sleep, but had a cup of tea. (Orange Pekoe) That has
caffeine in it, not like most herbals Oh well, I'll take a
"sleeper" with warm milk & beout for @ another 3-4 hrs. BUT
usually have GR8 dreams if I wake from REM. It's funny how I
remember these dreams, even years later...In detail???

Take Care of You as I AM, yes That I Am When Moses went
up Mt. Sinai, He asked the burning bush that said things, such
as "take thy sandals from thy feet because you are now on holy
ground!!! He asked burning bush "What do I tell ppl who you are
?". He didn't say "God" he said to tell the people I Am That I
Am. That's what you will tell the ppl. People made up "God"
because of superstition(s), y'da. Burning Bush never said nothin'
'bout no "God" People did that. What foolish ppl will do eh?

Hey, JACQ-EEE-POO...Respect, Love & Peace! I gotta
sleep. It's almost 4:00AM here!!!

_________________
Warm Regards,
David (esacnitsuj)
EULAGree With Security